Do you want to HEAL the war within?
When FEAR enters our life it can either:
Break you down, cause chaos in your health/productivity/relationships, and/or hold you back from being happy and content. OR
It can be used as fuel to TRANSFORM and create something new in your life!
As you read on, you will learn the reasons for this fear and valuable tips for turning Fear into Fuel. Fear tells you that something wants to be transformed. Instead of feeling stuck in old habits, you will recognize fear as:
An invitation for creative power!
An invitation to make change and grow!
This is how FEAR can manifest and affect our lives:
We don’t take risks
We don’t speak up
We stay SMALL in our roles
We are self-judging (and judging of others without knowing it)
We have low self-confidence
THESE VOICES ARE NORMAL
Do you sometimes hear those voices in your head that hold you back from making a decision or taking an action? Over time you have come to listen and trust these voices. You are not alone. We have come to trust this voice so much that our behaviors are driven by these voices and beliefs…. and in the end we stay stuck and do nothing, or we act out of impulse in an unhealthy way.
So here’s the deal… these voices are normal. As health coaches, we call this our Critter Brain. It has developed over many years in order to protect us from taking risks. It can be very useful when we logically think through a situation of danger or concern. However, if we react and depend on these voices all the time, then it can become an unforeseen habit. It can become a destructive habit for our health, productivity and relationships.
HOW IS FEAR MANIFESTED IN OUR DAILY LIVES?
Fear can manifest with these 3 human reactions: fight, flight, and freeze. Fear plays out in our mind and it is amplified when we imagine negative outcomes. Fear can be related to phobias, fear of flying, staying home alone etc. When we freeze, we are stuck and not able to be productive and move forward. Fear can hold us back from transformation and from having success in our lives.
“Your belief creates your experience and your experience confirms your belief“ Carey Peters, Co-founder of Health Coach Institute
FEAR AND THE MISCONCEPTIONS THAT OUR CRITTER BRAIN PROVIDES
F: False E: Evidence A: Appearing R: Real
Based on the FEELING OF FEAR, the cortex (the logic side of brain) comes up with a way to protect you and to figure things out in a ‘safe’ and ‘logical’ way. Depending on a perception, personal trait or feeling, the critter brain can come up with unrealistic ways for you to react. So as the critter brain kicks in, you might have these immediate UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS.
Transforming Unrealistic Expectations into Realistic Expectations
Unrealistic Expectation- “I need to do everything perfectly. I should be doing this perfectly and anything less than perfect is failure. I feel stuck and behind on everything. If I were doing it perfectly, I wouldn’t be so behind. I’m bad. I stink at this.” Comparing to others -everyone else is doing better than me.
Realistic Expectation- Allow yourself to trade perfection for the idea of presence.. just be present. Perfection is an illusion. It’s okay to set goals and strive to reach them, but there’s no need to expect that you need a perfect outcome. Strive for 1% improvement every day… it’s not about perfection, it’s about mastery over the long term.
Unrealistic Expectation- “I have to figure out how every aspect of my life is going to fall into place for the next year or five years.” OR “I have to get everything done, today, this week, for myself and everyone else.”
Realistic Expectation- Even though you have proved to be a smart, capable, and a giving person, you don’t need to depend on this quality to feel valuable. Set your priorities at the start of each week, and DO NOT add unnecessary tasks and duties.
Unrealistic Expectation- “I’m lost; I don’t know what to do. I’m stuck and that must mean that I’m stupid! Nothing is going to work. I’m not seeing any options that will work out well.”
Realistic Expectation - “ Logically there are always options even if I can’t see them. Anything is possible and there is always a way forward. Feeling stuck just means that there is something I need to know, feel or understand - and when I do- I’ll be able to move forward!” Go deeper in this area that you are being challenged in and become curious about it!
Feeling Behind (this is another variation of perfectionism).
Unrealistic Expectation - “Even though I have a job or a task, I should always be on top of it. I feel so behind so that means I should just quit.”
Realistic Expectation - Plan ahead and take time to get to the big goal. Set small-size goals with short time frames. Break it down into small chunks. Check the box as you go… these small steps add up to final success. “Small hinges open big doors” - coaching paradigm.
Feeling like You’re Not Doing it Right
Unrealistic Expectation- Your critter brain might say “There is a way to do this correctly according to the global committee who says that I need to do things a certain way. And if I DON’T do it right, then the committee will punish me.”
Realistic Expectation- “I trust in the people around me and my coworkers, and they will keep me on track. I also trust in my ability to figure things out. If there’s something that will help my success, I believe I can learn it and do it.”
THE CONFIDENCE LOOP - the more you practice something the better and more confident you become.
Comparing to Others
Unrealistic Expectation- “Everybody is doing this better than I am. If I don’t keep up then that means I’m doing a bad job and I won’t be successful.”
Realistic Expectation- You have everything you need to succeed!! You need to believe and know that you are different and unique! Take your own path toward your own happiness and outcomes. There will never be anyone else like you, and your WORTH IS IMMEASURABLE.
SOLUTION: TURN WISHING INTO WINNING- LET’S DO THIS!
How to come out ON TOP and be winning the GAME you are playing.
Fear is an invitation for creative power. To get to your creative power, we need to use some Mojo Magic - imagine in your head the positive result comes before anything appears on the outside.
Think of Fear as Excitement on pause! Here are ways to press the pause button. I invite you to:
Add more play in your life and don’t take things so seriously. Drop the pressure for perfectionism.
Trusting yourself more than your critics
Let go of the habit of “compare & despair”
Stop the “disease to please”
Stop being the worrier just because it makes you feel good. Perhaps you are a natural healer and don’t know when to stop.
Stop being the victim and be the VICTOR
Honor your Yes and No
Stop taking on other people’s burdens
The difference is how we respond: with resistance, fear and victimhood… OR… resilience and empowerment!
I realize this is easier said than done. But with practice and patience, you will overcome these pervasive fears and take positive steps forward for yourself. What’s important is your intention to be open (to the fear), and the intention to let it go.
Summary: The first step is recognition and being self-aware of the ways that fear enters and affects your life. If you recognize it….own it….and use it as fuel, then the fear will dissipate. These methods have helped me deal with my own fears and anxiety which continue to challenge me and keep me in ‘curiosity mode’. I hope these methods help you as well. I’m happy to talk, and if you have questions or thoughts, please feel free to contact me!
Cheers to your health and be well! -Patty
Resources: Health Coach Institute